Email Abuse and Spam - [RANT] I've concluded most people are dumber than a box of hair

Author

[RANT] I've concluded most people are dumber than a box of hair

spammers_lie@pandora.orbl.org

2004-06-28, 7:30 pm

<rant>

The following contains subject lines received in spam for the last several
months. The majority of subject lines are incoherent, which makes me wonder
why anyone would: 1. Read them 2: Follow up (click on link etc..)
I think they are complete idiots and shouldn't even be allowed to
use an electric toothbrush, let alone have access to the internet.

</rant>

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Larry Kilgallen

2004-06-28, 7:30 pm

In article <su81e0l6j83pqf0im8ibk01egl9ogt941b@4ax.com>, spammers_lie@pandora.orbl.org writes:
>
> <rant>
>
> The following contains subject lines received in spam for the last several
> months. The majority of subject lines are incoherent, which makes me wonder
> why anyone would: 1. Read them 2: Follow up (click on link etc..)
> I think they are complete idiots and shouldn't even be allowed to
> use an electric toothbrush, let alone have access to the internet.
>
> </rant>

How about only an electric toothbrush they buy from a spammer ?

Werehatrack

2004-06-28, 7:30 pm

On 28 Jun 2004 18:46:24 -0500, Kilgallen@SpamCop.net (Larry Kilgallen)
wrote:

>In article <su81e0l6j83pqf0im8ibk01egl9ogt941b@4ax.com>, spammers_lie@pandora.orbl.org writes:
>
>How about only an electric toothbrush they buy from a spammer ?

It would still violate the Boulder Pledge to advocate such an
exemption, even if it was certain that the toothbrush was 100%
effective in preventing the user from making purchases from spammers
in the future.

(Which leads me via a circuitous route to wonder if the product in
question would be more or less hazardous if it was a pirate copy of a
Microsoft product...)
--
Typoes are a feature, not a bug.
Some gardening required to reply via email.
Surrealism is a pectinated ranzel.

Russ Price

2004-06-28, 8:47 pm

On Mon, 28 Jun 2004 19:16:39 -0400, spammers_lie@pandora.orbl.org
wrote:

>I think they are complete idiots and shouldn't even be allowed to
>use an electric toothbrush, let alone have access to the internet.

Follicular Appreciation Society, Line 1. They say its urgent.

Kurtis D. Rader

2004-06-29, 3:11 am

On Mon, 28 Jun 2004 19:16:39 -0400, spammers_lie wrote:

> <rant>
>
> The following contains subject lines received in spam for the last
> several months. The majority of subject lines are incoherent, which
> makes me wonder why anyone would: 1. Read them 2: Follow up (click on
> link etc..) I think they are complete idiots and shouldn't even be
> allowed to use an electric toothbrush, let alone have access to the
> internet.
>
> </rant>

It's especially worrisome when you consider the body of the email tends to
be even more nonsensical than the subject lines. Why in the world would
anyone respond to a solicitation for a mortgage, insurance, or any other
prima facie reputable product when the solicitation is so badly written?
The people who do so should not only not be allowed access to the
Internet, they shouldn't be allowed to vote or manage their own finances.
Rather than put spammers in jail I say we make them turn over the list of
idiots who responded to the pitch in order that society may protect itself
by assigning the morons a full-time babysitter. If that were done spammers
would actually be serving a useful purpose that would at marginally offset
the annoyances they cause for those of us with more than two working brain
neurons :-)

Adrian 'Dagurashibanipal' von Bidder

2004-06-29, 5:52 pm

-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA1

Clinging to sanity, Werehatrack mumbled in his beard:

> if it was certain that the toothbrush was 100%
> effective in preventing the user from making purchases from spammers
> in the future.
>
> (Which leads me via a circuitous route to wonder if the product in
> question would be more or less hazardous if it was a pirate copy of a
> Microsoft product...)

Hmmm. Electric toothbrush with Windows CE firmware?

*runs*
- -- vbi

- --
Everyone writes on the walls except me. -Said to be graffiti seen in
Pompeii

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Paul Vader

2004-06-29, 5:52 pm

spammers_lie@pandora.orbl.org writes:
>The following contains subject lines received in spam for the last several
>months.

[handy proof of rule 3 deleted]

>The majority of subject lines are incoherent, which makes me wonder
>why anyone would: 1. Read them 2: Follow up (click on link etc..)

When you send crap to 100 million people, two or three of those probably
don't know what crap is.

>I think they are complete idiots and shouldn't even be allowed to
>use an electric toothbrush, let alone have access to the internet.
>
>Subject: Online Valium - No Prescription Needed stumpy

Yeah, I'm going to buy something from someone who calls me 'Stumpy'. *
--
* PV something like badgers--something like lizards--and something
like corkscrews.

Bruce Barnett

2004-06-29, 5:52 pm

Adrian 'Dagurashibanipal' von Bidder <grazdan@fortytwo.ch> writes:
> Hmmm. Electric toothbrush with Windows CE firmware?

Ohmygod! I just replaced my old one because it wouldn't boot.
Seriously. The power button worked randomly. I had to brush my teeth
holding the charger base.

And the new one has a blinking blue LED to indicate it's charging.
Is this the BLOD (Blue LED of Death?)
Ohhhh noooooooo!

--
Sending unsolicited commercial e-mail to this account incurs a fee of
$500 per message, and acknowledges the legality of this contract.

Jay Stuler

2004-06-29, 5:53 pm

"Adrian 'Dagurashibanipal' von Bidder" <grazdan@fortytwo.ch> wrote in
message news:1651312.mYGHuDIjLB@altfrangg.fortytwo.ch...
> -----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
> Hash: SHA1
>
> Clinging to sanity, Werehatrack mumbled in his beard:
>
>
> Hmmm. Electric toothbrush with Windows CE firmware?

Hello, I'm Clippy, the Windows Electric Toothbrush Assistant!
It looks like you are trying to brush your teeth.
Would you like help?
- Get help brushing your teeth
- Just brush your teeth without help

Chris U

2004-06-29, 5:53 pm

On Tue, 29 Jun 2004 12:28:10 -0400, "Jay Stuler"
<usenetjunk2004@yahoo.com> wrote:

>
>Hello, I'm Clippy, the Windows Electric Toothbrush Assistant!
>It looks like you are trying to brush your teeth.
>Would you like help?
>- Get help brushing your teeth
>- Just brush your teeth without help

Warning your Toothbrush is infected with a Gum Virus......

--
Animal

Wm James

2004-06-29, 5:53 pm

On Tue, 29 Jun 2004 15:16:48 +0200, Adrian 'Dagurashibanipal' von
Bidder <grazdan@fortytwo.ch> wrote:

>-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
>Hash: SHA1
>
>Clinging to sanity, Werehatrack mumbled in his beard:
>
>
>Hmmm. Electric toothbrush with Windows CE firmware?
>
>*runs*
>- -- vbi

Why would the toothless need a toothbrush?

William R. James

Bill Carton - (The Roadie)

2004-06-30, 3:31 am

"Kurtis D. Rader" <krader@skepticism.us> wrote:
>
>It's especially worrisome when you consider the body of the email tends to
>be even more nonsensical than the subject lines. Why in the world would
>anyone respond to a solicitation for a mortgage, insurance, or any other
>prima facie reputable product when the solicitation is so badly written?

You know how stupid the average guy is? Well, half of 'em are dumber than
that. And the bottom side of that bell curve buys stuff from spammers.

Most spam I see (YMMV) isn't aimed at women. They should take that as a
compliment.

--
Bill "the Roadie" Carton

Chris U

2004-06-30, 3:32 am

On Wed, 30 Jun 2004 03:42:01 GMT, "Bill Carton - (The Roadie)"
<wcarton@flash.net> wrote:

>Bill "the Roadie" Carton

Bill, way off topic for this thread but after the posts about Biker
Chicks someone sent an enhanced photo <g> of some Biker Chicks.
If you'd like a copy you can reach me at the same posting name (PP)
@aol.com.

--
Animal

Patricia A. Shaffer

2004-06-30, 5:56 pm

On Wed, 30 Jun 2004 03:42:01 GMT, "Bill Carton - (The Roadie)"
<wcarton@flash.net> wrote:

>"Kurtis D. Rader" <krader@skepticism.us> wrote:
>
>You know how stupid the average guy is? Well, half of 'em are dumber than
>that. And the bottom side of that bell curve buys stuff from spammers.
>
>Most spam I see (YMMV) isn't aimed at women. They should take that as a
>compliment.

Personally, I think it is a compliment, but, on the other hand, who is
it that has to keep reminding their SO's/spouses/brothers/sons/male
friends/etc., about The Rules of Spam?

I had to take one of my son's to task (in a very gentle manner) when
he gave me a gift certificate for a Mainsleaze book vendor he
patronises. After he promised to reform, I agreed to use the
certificate "this one time". <sigh> It pained me, but sometimes, in
the interest of family harmony, one has to bend the rules just a
little.

--
Patricia
Proud Citizen of the Commonwealth of Virginia

Kurtis D. Rader

2004-06-30, 5:57 pm

On Wed, 30 Jun 2004 03:42:01 +0000, Bill Carton - (The Roadie) wrote:

> You know how stupid the average guy is? Well, half of 'em are dumber
> than that. And the bottom side of that bell curve buys stuff from
> spammers.

My math education stopped after my first term of calculus. So while I'm
not a math genius I am familiar with basic statistics. I've never looked
into the standard deviation for intelligence or personality disorders
among the general population but I have no doubt there are tens of
thousands of individuals in the US alone on the far left of those
distributions. Individuals that are responding to these badly written
solicitations. It's unfortunate that imposing restrictions (e.g., no
Internet access) isn't ethically justifiable, because it would certainly
be in societies best interest.

> Most spam I see (YMMV) isn't aimed at women. They should take that as a
> compliment.

Yes, but I think "most" is overstating the bias. Most of the non-porn spam
I see is for things (e.g., mortgages, insurance, drugs) that is gender
neutral. A sub-category of drug spam has a strong bias towards males (to
make that "certain special part of the male anatomy bigger" to quote a
well known TV ad), but even in that category you occasionally see adverts
targeted at woman (e.g., make your breasts bigger). Clearly the porn spam
is almost exclusively targeted at males. But a quick review of my spam
folders shows that to be just under half the spam I receive.

What would be fascinating is to analyze who is responding to non-porn
spam. I suspect the split is roughly equal between men and women.

Adrian 'Dagurashibanipal' von Bidder

2004-07-04, 8:07 am

-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA1

Clinging to sanity, Kurtis D. Rader mumbled in his beard:

> It's unfortunate that imposing restrictions (e.g., no
> Internet access) isn't ethically justifiable, because it would certai=
nly
> be in societies best interest.

Would read-only Internet access be in the interest of society *and*
ethically justifiable? Just cut the TX pair on their ethernet cabling. =
:-)

- -- vbi

- --=20
Available for key signing in Z=FCrich and Basel, Switzerland
(what's this? Look at http://fortytwo.ch/gpg/intro)=

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Seth Breidbart

2004-07-28, 6:14 pm

In article <cbs3so$u0f$0@208.20.133.66>,
Bruce Barnett <spamhater99+U040629115723@grymoire.com> wrote:

>Ohmygod! I just replaced my old one because it wouldn't boot.
>Seriously. The power button worked randomly. I had to brush my teeth
>holding the charger base.

That isn't boot, that's just turn on.

Look at the manual for the Pilot electric toothbrushes; you really can
reboot them. (When new, they start at low intensity for the first few
brushings. There's a way to reset them to that state.)

Seth